Sick child:home from work

Why do I feel guilty about staying home with my sick child? I struggled with calling my boss and felt totally guilty with the consideration of not showing up for work. I thought about it as I was getting ready for work, and it became clear to me that we are supposed to take care of our children and why am I even having this struggle. Ugh!!

My prior boss ( my soon to be ex-husband) of 20 years would expect me to be at work even if my child was sick, and that was wrong of him not to consider our families before his business. I understand he has a business to run, etc... and I lived for that business and I helped keep it running through good times and bad, good weather and bad. I was there for him even when my kids were sick. They were in capable hands ( not mine) and I went to work to be there for this guy. I even called patients to reschedule them when he got sick too and stayed there caring for him and answering phones and doing paper work and everything else, but the consideration/understanding/grace was not there for his employees when they got sick or their families did. One employee would bring her daughter to work and brought a little nap pad to put under her desk so her daughter could rest while mommy worked, hidden out of the way. Now tell me, was that really necessary for him to put that little girl on his floor instead of her own bed so he could have workers compensation billed for that day? And that woman worked for him for 10 years before she retired, and was not given a party or benefits or a card of appreciation even. Now that I think back on it that was pretty sad.

So this morning after de-programming myself from old thought processes I re-programmed my thinking (and practiced what I was going to say)and I called my boss. I let him know that I was sorry that I was unable to go to work today because my son has strep throat and I need to stay home with him.

He was wonderful! He said he knows my son needs me and he understands. He said that they missed me yesterday and they will miss me today but I need to be there for Race. He told which supplements to give Race to help him along to get over this and said to call him to keep them posted.

I can see how my marital relationship oppressed and repressed me and warped my way of thinking. I was brainwashed in a way. By not being considered by my husband or dealt with respectfully I did not consider myself and did not expect other people to consider me or respect me. I can see it better the farther away from it I get. I feel like I am coming out of a dense fog and into a beautiful place. I can see the sun peeking past the clouds and a lake and green hills and mountains behind them. I can see the light. I am coming out of this.

Bizarre late for work happenings #1

Yeah my brother Tim was just here to save my day.

I am one of these people always late for work. I set my alarm clock 2 1/2 hours from when I need to get up so I have ample time to get ready- this has proved not to work. I just keep doing things before I leave and have bizarre happennings before I leave that drag me in to the 10-30 minute late zone. I need to meditate and get out of this twilight late zone: So back to Tim being here:

Thurs last week I was taking a shower in my claw foot bathtub when the suspended shower curtain fell from the ceiling on one end. Yup it fell from the ceiling hanging there from the shower head end and me peeking over the curtain lifting it up to try and reinsert it. I stepped out of the shower dripping wet to grab the screw driver that is handily in reach for just such occassions. Now n my toes reaching up over my head pressing this piece back in to the pipe that is held into place by a screw that is pressing against it, when conveniently the other end pops loose- yup and the geyserous water sprays straight up into the air rebounding off my ceiling and spraying my wall with water. Here I am with conditioner dripping into my eyes and the shower curtain around me like an awkward halloween costume trying to insert one end while the other keeps popping out. Finally I decided to shut off the shower as I wasn't really sure what had happenned- it was on the outside of my curtain. With determination and saying outloud in a teary voice- "I am not going to start crying!!!". I plugged the shower water and drew a bath to finish washing up for work and rinse my eyes and hair. I left the shower drooping from the showerhead side and attatched a note for future shower users "use the upstairs shower- out of order". This is typical of my "bizarre before work" happennings. Thank God my boss loves me and understands crap happens.

Tim just fixed it, and I love him for it.

Sunday, finally I slept- weird dreams though

Sunday: Why is blogging easier in the morning and quick to leave you the later you wait to write? Minds clog with the workings of the day and creativity diminishes? Well it does for me anyway.

So I woke up sideways in my bed so that I wasn't sure where I was. I was facing a window and light was shining through 7:15 a.m. I closed my eyes and dreamt that I was working for a chiropractor, busy chiropractor who lived on a farm and had so many kids they just kept coming in the office which was in the house. A small den was the waiting area and filled quickly. His wife came in and kids were coming in and patiets were coming in and I was loading the rooms with patients. The doctor I recognized as the judge for family court in Lewis County. His wife left the room and was riding a horse out of the garage and so I went out in the garage and got on a horse to go ask her a question and my doctor needed me back in the office so I was on my way back and got off my horse. The horse turned into a guy I know, named Hal. I tried to jump on this guys back and have him give me a piggy back ride back to the office and I heard something crack in his back and he had a hard time standing up. I took him in to the office and then I woke up. WEIRD!!!

My interpretation. Are you ready for this?:

1. I work so much that I dream about work, and it is a busy office as you can tell by my dream.

2. The judge being my boss probably came into play from the recent filing of my divorce complaint and thoughts of that judge being right at the tip of my brain as I review my past experiences in court and my future in court. He was the boss when it came to a decision of custody of Race and he was the boss who explained that he was going to decide for Raym and I if we did not come to a joint decision.

3. The horse part, well I was up watching 'my redneck wedding' and the couple were married on horses, and they were married inside a barn so I was thinking about riding horses.

4. The guy in the dream, well I'm really not sure where that part came from. He has a bad back though:-)

When I woke up it was 8:15, there I finally slept in....ahhhhh

Sat a.m., why am I not sleeping in?

Why am I not sleeping in on this snowy Saturday morning when my 5 year old is with his dad? I don't think I can anymore. I try and it just doesn't work. I know I have alot on my mind like:

* Race is riding to Alabama with his dad and Walsemann siblings to go to his grandmothers funeral. (that's probably the big one for right now)
* I have to clean and hoe out my house to sell it with in the next few months becasue I cannot afford to live here.
* My attorney is expecting to see me this weekend and I don't know how I am going to get there (116 miles away) because I don't have enough money for gas. Heck I am borrowing money for gas almost daily to get to work, so let's not talk about Sodus Point this weekend.
*My child support from ex-Hub # 1 was terminated for some unknown reason and that is what I used for gas and phone money.
* My cell phone is off and I am unable to be contacted by cell phone, which puts a damper on things when school, and my attorney or anyone else of importance is trying to get in touch with me when I am not home.
*I got my car fixed and the bill is twice what I thought it would be. My mechanic is my best friends husband.
*I found the number one real estate sales person for Northern NY and she has offerred to come to my home and do a comparative market analysis for me to give to my attorneys. My house is not in any shape to have pets for company let alone the No. 1 real estate sales lady.
*Raymond will be served my divorce complaint next week, right after his mother died- great. I'm sure no matter what the circumstances this is not going to be received well, so : Announcement to the world- You might want to hold on to something next Friday- this is just an estimated time, but when the earth moves it's just him after he receives my 7 page divorce complaint. But hold on anyway, it might be a long one.

Well, I feel better already, kinda like one of those whistling tops on a pressure cooker when you're done cooking. I'm not done of course but some of the pressure has steamed out into the atmosphere-I hope it doesn't contribute to the global warming.

I'm going to make some coffee and a to do list.

Back from vacation

I went on vacation last week and had an excellent time. I was reminiscing about it on the way home gathering my thoughts as to what I will say when asked "how was your vacation?" and I found it was excellent- flawless- I told you I was a lucky girl, and I winned(always). I got to go with my new beau, Jerry (new for about a year now, wow that was fast)his two daughters Jaime- 10 and Cortney- 13, my Andrew and Race.
Jerry, the kids and I (excluding Andrew) drove down. The car only holds 5 passengers so for less than it would have cost in gas for me to take another vehicle, we flew Andrew down Saturday morning on Jet Blue. He loved it, and the ride home was going to be minus two- Jerry's girls were staying another week in Florida and we were meeting their mother there to deliver them, so Andrew would ride back with us.
We stayed in my timeshare at Westgate Lakes Orlando for the first time in six years since Raymond and I bought it in 2001. He would never let us go on vacation there- said the kids didn't deserve it and they should not even see it. So we never went. Until this year- hehehe. He didn't like it when he heard that I was going to go down and stay there either. He asked me specifically "are you staying in the timeshare?" and of course I said "yes". He said that was interesting because it is supposed to be for sale and it should be rented. I agreed and added- "but it's not sold, and it is not rented it is available, and I am going down to use it." You have got to know there would be more to the rebuttal than that. There was. But you have the end result- my flawless vacation!!!
We arrived Friday at 7:30 pm. Wow it was fast getting in. Then the place was really great- that kids went bananas- we had a lock off apartment and Cortney scooped that up right away (trouble when Andrew gets in but we can wait for that). we ordered pizza and the kids jumped in the jacuzzi tub. Next day we played in the pool all day-all sunny warm day.
We went to Universal studios on Monday- what a hoot with Race. We rode the Cat in the Hat rides (all of them), and the Jurassic park ride with the T-Rex about to eat us on the way down the river- Race thought that was scary. He wasn't big (tall)enough for some of the rides and he talks about that when he describes his vacation. Tuesday we pooled it- well until I had to leave to take Andrew to see his prospective college in Winter Park- Full Sail. What a cool college. We got a tour and finished up with a visit with his rep in her office. Back at Westgate by 7:30 pm. Wednesday we had to see the westgaters about upgrading- that didn't take long- No, I am not interested in upgrading and then I left-.They had a free buffet, but I am used to having Jerry cook me breakfast it didn't even tempt me.We made tie dyed t-shirts for the kids by the pool and they had a movie matinee night at the pool at dusk- Toy Story was the movie. Thursday we caught up on all the park activities we had not done yet. Jerry rented a sail boat and took it out on the lake. We rented a paddle boat, and we miniature golfed, checked out the bikes for 4 +1. Walked to all the other pools (6 in all) and landed in the furthest one away with the least amount of people in it and swam until 7 or so. It was a great vacation. We left Westgate Friday by 10 am and went to Blizzard Beach at Disney World, a water park, and left Orlando Saturday and got home Sunday.
It was a great vacation and I had a wonderful time with Jerry and his girls and my beautiful boys. Ikey stayed home to deliver papers- his new job, and practice baseball. He made me promise we would go somewhere this summer- so watch for us Uncle Tommy and all you California family members, we just might be knocking on your door to say hello soon.
I am the lucky girl, and I winned.

Tuesday March 27, 2007

Tuesday already and have been up since 4 a.m. again. At first I was a little grumbly about it but after a cup of coffee, my vitamin and motivational pills, and a piece of cinnamon bread toasted I was better. Then the air was warm and like we were on a lake this morning when we ventured out to deliver Isaac's papers. It only took 1/2 hour and was actually pretty fun being with him all alone and having a routine, and we get alone pretty well together. I have been gone quite a bit since I started working in Sodus Point on Tuesdays, Thursdays with Fridays and some Saturdays every other week and Isaac seems to be the one who mentions it the most. He sincerely misses me- which is nice, when it's not just for money. He makes me laugh.

Last night we had a birthday party for Tim, who is now 40. Mom made him his favorite flavor cake- French vanilla, and she melted frosting and dripped it over the top. Johnathan, Race and I went out together and picked out gifts and cards with the money Tommy sent from California. We got him a pair of jeans, and Zingers, Race got him box of chocolates, a Sponge Bob balloon with a crazy straw, a Sponge Bob card that he signed and squiggled a phrase as he spoke outloud- "Happy birthday Uncle Timmy we couldnt find the caker lighter but we got candles and put them on the cake AMEN". The caker lighter was the candles in the shape of a number which we have been moving around all year from one drawer to another and could not find it for the cake last night- nice. Race signed his name with a perfect R, an A that more resembles a Q, a C like a banana, and an E with 5 horizontal passes. It's a great signature for a 4 yr old and consistent. I love it, and more importantly Tim did. Isaac said he never saw Tim smile so much- so it was a great hit- Thanks Tommy, you were here. I put 40 bucks from you in his card as that was all that was left and fitting (get it 40). He smiled and stuffed it in his pocket quickly. Hey- why not.

So I gotta get going.
Today we get our new tires on the car at 9 a.m., talk to Pecia sometime today to see if indeed we can borrow the van for the Florida trip which we leave for Thursday morning, and at 10 a.m. I'm off to Sodus Point to work and file my divorce complaint and work on billing and learning default divorces. Sounds like a great day. I am not looking forward to my chiropractic appointment at 4:30 because my back is just starting to settle down from the last appointment. I had the beginnings of a rash on my belt line on the left of my spine and after electrical stimulation and ultrasound which increased the inflammation in that area, I was in misery over the weekend. I felt like a burning hot poker cut 4 inches aroung that area. I have not had a week with out discomfort after my treatments since I have started there. One week its my neck, then next my LB, and then back to my neck. Jerry said I should call and cancel my appointment then. I feel bad but I agree. Gotta get going have a great day. Sorry no pics of the birthday party- all with Sponge Bob party hats and balloons. You can picture it. Instead here is a picture of my car next to the snow bank just two weeks ago. Ciao from the lucky girl- I winned!!

OK now what? You have read about, Andrew, Ike, Race, Lori, Pecia. My mom and my dad live with me. You think I went on and on about my kids- wait until you hear about my mother. I'm sure people who know her all view her differently. She is very unique. She is very smart- she's a Thesier, they are all very smart- exceptionally smart! She raised 5 kids- not such a big deal in our family as she came from a family with 14 kids! WOW. I get to talk with her everyday and not just because she lives with me. We talked quite a bit before that too. You know when kids are growing up what a pain their parents can be? Well I'm sure I wasn't any different. Then when I had kids of my own I started to think about my mother and realized just how valuable she really is. Well thank God I had my kids young(22 when I had Andrew, and 25 for Ike)I believe that's when you really start to appreciate your parents- that's when it kicked in for me. When Andrew started acting like me when he was a baby that's when I called my mother and asked "if I apologize now will it stop?" We just laughed, and we have been able to laugh together alot since. She is a woman, a person like you and me and I am just interested in her very much. We talk about her mother, and her relationship with her mother. I told my mother that by the time we (my brothers and sisters) came around my grandmother was all worn out. The thrill of grandchildren was worn and not so shiny anymore. It wasn't that I thought she didn't love me or paid enough attention to me etc. I just watched her at family reunions and she was adored by all of us. I remember wanting to talk to her- but I was not alone. Everyone wanted to talk to gramma- so you usually had to wait- Kind of like waiting for Santa- He's special and he listens but there are alot of people waiting to talk to him too, and he know things about you that make you feel special and so does gramma. My mother shared that she didn't' remember talking to her mother like we talk. She remembers her sisters being involved with her more, and showing her and teaching her more than her mother did. Her mom was busy, always busy,e specially after grandpa died. I love my mom. I can tell her anything and I do,and she listens to me and helps me. She supports me even when I am wrong. She cooks for me (she cooks for everyone) and she makes me laugh. I just am so lucky to have her, she is so cool. I can go in her room at night after she has gone to sleep and talk to he if something is bothering me. Dad too for that matter. They are very wonderful people who have allowed me to grow and respect me and taught me to respect and so I respect my kids and look at them. It's a good idea. Talk, respect, help, support, live, love, laugh. It does a whole lot of good, and gets you through the rough times. I am a blessed girl- I winned!!!