Sick child:home from work

Why do I feel guilty about staying home with my sick child? I struggled with calling my boss and felt totally guilty with the consideration of not showing up for work. I thought about it as I was getting ready for work, and it became clear to me that we are supposed to take care of our children and why am I even having this struggle. Ugh!!

My prior boss ( my soon to be ex-husband) of 20 years would expect me to be at work even if my child was sick, and that was wrong of him not to consider our families before his business. I understand he has a business to run, etc... and I lived for that business and I helped keep it running through good times and bad, good weather and bad. I was there for him even when my kids were sick. They were in capable hands ( not mine) and I went to work to be there for this guy. I even called patients to reschedule them when he got sick too and stayed there caring for him and answering phones and doing paper work and everything else, but the consideration/understanding/grace was not there for his employees when they got sick or their families did. One employee would bring her daughter to work and brought a little nap pad to put under her desk so her daughter could rest while mommy worked, hidden out of the way. Now tell me, was that really necessary for him to put that little girl on his floor instead of her own bed so he could have workers compensation billed for that day? And that woman worked for him for 10 years before she retired, and was not given a party or benefits or a card of appreciation even. Now that I think back on it that was pretty sad.

So this morning after de-programming myself from old thought processes I re-programmed my thinking (and practiced what I was going to say)and I called my boss. I let him know that I was sorry that I was unable to go to work today because my son has strep throat and I need to stay home with him.

He was wonderful! He said he knows my son needs me and he understands. He said that they missed me yesterday and they will miss me today but I need to be there for Race. He told which supplements to give Race to help him along to get over this and said to call him to keep them posted.

I can see how my marital relationship oppressed and repressed me and warped my way of thinking. I was brainwashed in a way. By not being considered by my husband or dealt with respectfully I did not consider myself and did not expect other people to consider me or respect me. I can see it better the farther away from it I get. I feel like I am coming out of a dense fog and into a beautiful place. I can see the sun peeking past the clouds and a lake and green hills and mountains behind them. I can see the light. I am coming out of this.

Bizarre late for work happenings #1

Yeah my brother Tim was just here to save my day.

I am one of these people always late for work. I set my alarm clock 2 1/2 hours from when I need to get up so I have ample time to get ready- this has proved not to work. I just keep doing things before I leave and have bizarre happennings before I leave that drag me in to the 10-30 minute late zone. I need to meditate and get out of this twilight late zone: So back to Tim being here:

Thurs last week I was taking a shower in my claw foot bathtub when the suspended shower curtain fell from the ceiling on one end. Yup it fell from the ceiling hanging there from the shower head end and me peeking over the curtain lifting it up to try and reinsert it. I stepped out of the shower dripping wet to grab the screw driver that is handily in reach for just such occassions. Now n my toes reaching up over my head pressing this piece back in to the pipe that is held into place by a screw that is pressing against it, when conveniently the other end pops loose- yup and the geyserous water sprays straight up into the air rebounding off my ceiling and spraying my wall with water. Here I am with conditioner dripping into my eyes and the shower curtain around me like an awkward halloween costume trying to insert one end while the other keeps popping out. Finally I decided to shut off the shower as I wasn't really sure what had happenned- it was on the outside of my curtain. With determination and saying outloud in a teary voice- "I am not going to start crying!!!". I plugged the shower water and drew a bath to finish washing up for work and rinse my eyes and hair. I left the shower drooping from the showerhead side and attatched a note for future shower users "use the upstairs shower- out of order". This is typical of my "bizarre before work" happennings. Thank God my boss loves me and understands crap happens.

Tim just fixed it, and I love him for it.

Sunday, finally I slept- weird dreams though

Sunday: Why is blogging easier in the morning and quick to leave you the later you wait to write? Minds clog with the workings of the day and creativity diminishes? Well it does for me anyway.

So I woke up sideways in my bed so that I wasn't sure where I was. I was facing a window and light was shining through 7:15 a.m. I closed my eyes and dreamt that I was working for a chiropractor, busy chiropractor who lived on a farm and had so many kids they just kept coming in the office which was in the house. A small den was the waiting area and filled quickly. His wife came in and kids were coming in and patiets were coming in and I was loading the rooms with patients. The doctor I recognized as the judge for family court in Lewis County. His wife left the room and was riding a horse out of the garage and so I went out in the garage and got on a horse to go ask her a question and my doctor needed me back in the office so I was on my way back and got off my horse. The horse turned into a guy I know, named Hal. I tried to jump on this guys back and have him give me a piggy back ride back to the office and I heard something crack in his back and he had a hard time standing up. I took him in to the office and then I woke up. WEIRD!!!

My interpretation. Are you ready for this?:

1. I work so much that I dream about work, and it is a busy office as you can tell by my dream.

2. The judge being my boss probably came into play from the recent filing of my divorce complaint and thoughts of that judge being right at the tip of my brain as I review my past experiences in court and my future in court. He was the boss when it came to a decision of custody of Race and he was the boss who explained that he was going to decide for Raym and I if we did not come to a joint decision.

3. The horse part, well I was up watching 'my redneck wedding' and the couple were married on horses, and they were married inside a barn so I was thinking about riding horses.

4. The guy in the dream, well I'm really not sure where that part came from. He has a bad back though:-)

When I woke up it was 8:15, there I finally slept in....ahhhhh

Sat a.m., why am I not sleeping in?

Why am I not sleeping in on this snowy Saturday morning when my 5 year old is with his dad? I don't think I can anymore. I try and it just doesn't work. I know I have alot on my mind like:

* Race is riding to Alabama with his dad and Walsemann siblings to go to his grandmothers funeral. (that's probably the big one for right now)
* I have to clean and hoe out my house to sell it with in the next few months becasue I cannot afford to live here.
* My attorney is expecting to see me this weekend and I don't know how I am going to get there (116 miles away) because I don't have enough money for gas. Heck I am borrowing money for gas almost daily to get to work, so let's not talk about Sodus Point this weekend.
*My child support from ex-Hub # 1 was terminated for some unknown reason and that is what I used for gas and phone money.
* My cell phone is off and I am unable to be contacted by cell phone, which puts a damper on things when school, and my attorney or anyone else of importance is trying to get in touch with me when I am not home.
*I got my car fixed and the bill is twice what I thought it would be. My mechanic is my best friends husband.
*I found the number one real estate sales person for Northern NY and she has offerred to come to my home and do a comparative market analysis for me to give to my attorneys. My house is not in any shape to have pets for company let alone the No. 1 real estate sales lady.
*Raymond will be served my divorce complaint next week, right after his mother died- great. I'm sure no matter what the circumstances this is not going to be received well, so : Announcement to the world- You might want to hold on to something next Friday- this is just an estimated time, but when the earth moves it's just him after he receives my 7 page divorce complaint. But hold on anyway, it might be a long one.

Well, I feel better already, kinda like one of those whistling tops on a pressure cooker when you're done cooking. I'm not done of course but some of the pressure has steamed out into the atmosphere-I hope it doesn't contribute to the global warming.

I'm going to make some coffee and a to do list.